Banging of doors, loud music blaring out from behind shut doors, sullen silences, indifferently muttered monosyllabic answers to queries… Is this what’s happening on the home front daily?

Is this pretty much what happens in households where teens stay? Is it the norm? Is this typical teenage behaviour?

Without generalizing, I would like to say that, yes, in a large number of households where there are teenaged children, his is probably the way it is. But I have to say that there are an equal number of households where there’s camaraderie between teenagers and their younger siblings and parents.

If teenagers are behaving in a certain way, I strongly believe they have reason to be so. It’s not easy being a teen. There are so many pressures they have to face up to. There’s peer pressure, there’s pressure to study and having to think about their careers, their looks, their relationships and difficult, nagging parents to boot. I think their cups are overflowing with woe.

I fully sympathize with them. The idea is to understand them. After all, we’ve been teens too. Who better to understand them than parents? But the problem arises when parental zeal becomes a tad overbearing.

The idea is to bond with your teenaged children. But this is what I mean. All well meaning parents (and I include myself in this category as a mother to two teens) want to bond big time with their children but what happens frequently are misguided attempts by parents who want the best for their children but end up doing the opposite. Authority doesn’t sit well on teens. But a friendly attitude works wonders with them.

The idea is to treat them as individuals with a mind of their own. They do know what they are doing. But we are so busy being a parent; we forget to be a friend too. Respect their opinions, suggestions and ideas. The worst thing you could do is to pooh-pooh their ideas and suggestions. Guaranteed to make them clam up.

Always encourage conversations between the two of you. Encourage them to talk about whatever they are passionate about. Don’t be judgemental even when they talk about friends whom you are not exactly fond of. Encourage them in their hobbies and draw them out enough to chat about it. Show your teen that you are interested in what they do.

Engage then in household decisions and household chores. Best way to relax and talk with them are when you are not being confrontational with them. They also tend to open up more if you are being non-committal.

Show your teen you care. Listen when they talk. Even if you’re shocked by what they’re saying at times, don’t show it.

Teach them by example about what is right and wrong. That’ll help them make the right decisions when necessary.

Don’t make every conversation a “teach or preach” session. Let them be. Watch them carefully and constantly but don’t get paranoid about it. You have to trust them to do the right thing.

Encourage them to bring their friends home. That way you know where they are hanging out and gives you a chance to vet his friends without being obvious about it.

Don’t over-react when they give you the brush-off. Remember, overreacting is their department. Walking off in a huff, taking offense at the smallest things, ignoring all your attempts at normal conversation, these are all normal. Don’t feel snubbed. Just be there for them. They do need your attention even at times like this. Just be there for them. Believe me, they do outgrow this phase.

Sometimes the simplest things work. Bringing a pet home, sitting together and watching their favourite team play on TV, all these work.

Avoid hurtful comments even if you’re furious with them. Sometimes they just want to see how far they can push you. If you also react, the whole situation could become volatile. Remember, you’re the parent and the responsible one. It’s up to you to diffuse the situation. Don’t get into a battle of words. Just give them time to cool down and then talk to them.

Respect their need for privacy and independence. This is crucial to develop a warm bond with them. If you’ve done your bit as a parent properly, your teen will respond likewise. Give them time. Don’t expect every situation to have a text book ending. Every individual is different. So every approach has to be different.

Don’t expect them to be what you missed out on as a teen. Don’t push your aspirations on them. Let them be their own person, doing their own things unless they are harmful pursuits like drinking, substance abuse etc. Then you will have to intervene and handle it diplomatically. Find out the reasons for such behaviour or habits. Is it peer pressure? If necessary, get professional help.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To bond with your teenaged child

Methods:

• Treat them as individuals with a mind of their own.
• Always encourage conversations between the two of you
• Engage them in household chores and decisions
• Show your teen you care and listen to them when they talk
• Don’t overreact when they give you the brush-off
• Avoid hurtful comments even if you’re furious with them
• Respect their need for privacy and independence
• Don’t push your aspirations on them

You stand on the weighing scale - horror of horrors; you find you’ve actually gained a few pounds.

But how did this happen? How can this happen when you’ve been so careful? So vigilant? No, there must be something wrong with the scales. It must be old. It was almost two years old. You give a sigh of relief. That must be it. The scales were the culprit. Not you. How can you put on weight when you’ve been so careful?

OK. We are in denial mode. I can see that. Hey babe, wake up. Get real. If the scales show that you’ve put on weight, you have.

Now, don’t panic. We’ll find out how that could have happened.

You have been socializing a lot, haven’t you? What with all those Christmas and New Year parties, you have been having fun. Of course, it is the season for fun. No denying that. And you swear you’ve been careful about your diet and exercising.

Maybe the culprit is in the kind of food you’ve been eating. Maybe you’ve been a little slack there. Remember that éclair topped with chocolate icing and filled with chocolate cream you had at home before you left for the office party?

Or the two slices of leftover pizza you had for lunch last week because you didn’t have time to cook before you had to rush off to finish some last minute shopping?

But that was just two slices, she said indignantly.

Yes, and it was yummy, loaded with cheese and pepperoni, just the way you like it. And since you were late coming back from shopping, you didn’t have time for your workout at the gym.

Come on; let’s not quibble about these little things here. The whole idea here is to have the right attitude to food and eating the right kind rather than depriving yourself of your favourite foods.

Yes, you were having a good time and in spite of being careful, you’ve managed to put on the pounds. Don’t beat yourself up over it. And I say it again and again; it’s about eating the right food rather than avoiding any kind of food.

Eat the right food for the right reasons.

You need to eat food that aids in lowering cholesterol, helps regulate metabolism and burn body fat, helps fight diseases like heart ailments, blood pressure, cancer etc, get rids of toxins and promote overall digestive health.

It’s about eating a balanced diet. You need to eat the right amount of protein, carbohydrates and fats at every meal. For e.g. one to two servings of carbohydrates, three to four servings of fruits and vegetables and one serving of low fat.

You can trick yourself into eating right. You have to find your own way. More exercises but a proper hearty meal may suit some people. Less food or the right food and fewer exercises may suit others. Everybody’s metabolism is different and each one’s needs and capabilities are different, so only you get to decide what suits you best.

There is no hard and fast rule for anything. Common myth is that eating before meals increases your calorie intake. Wrong. Eating the right snacks may prove beneficial if you’re eating the right food. Like about 6 walnuts or 12 almonds or a small fist size of peanuts are good fats which stimulate the production of hormones which sends signals to the body saying you’ve had enough to eat.

Swap foods. Try replacing white bread with whole wheat or whole grain bread. Swap your macaroni and cheese with vegetable lasagne with lots of spinach. That way you get more fibre without additional calorie intake and moreover spinach is rich in phyto chemicals which ensure good eye sight.

Or eat large, healthy salads which help fill your stomach but of course without the rich dressing. Just sprinkle salad dressing on. Eat air popped popcorn instead of potato chips. Don’t deprive yourself of French fries if you’re terribly fond of them. Instead of having a full helping, have half. Eat grilled chicken sandwiches instead of fried chicken sandwiches. Stick to eating all colours in vegetables and fruits and you can’t go wrong.

And don’t cut down on your pizzas if you’re fond of them. Ask for a whole wheat crust with low fat cheese on it.

Drinking lots of fruit and vegetable juices do help but  without added sugar. Fruit juice helps fight diseases and lowers cholesterol.

Substitute dark chocolate for sweet. Releases feel good hormones to feel on top of the world.

Have happy relationships with people. Great for your metabolism.

And who says retail shopping is not advisable. Shopping is a great way to lose some extra calories while you trudge around malls.

Find a way to incorporate every food group into your diet for every meal. Therein lies the trick. The right attitude is what is called for to stay healthy and fit.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To eat healthy with the right attitude

Methods:

• Eat the right foods for the right reasons.
• Eat a balanced diet
• Find your own way to eat right
• Swap foods
• Maintaining good relationships with people is a great way to lose calories
• Shopping helps lose calories

It’s all in the mind. Think yourself happy and you’re happy. Think yourself unhappy and you’re unhappy. The mind games we play are responsible for our state of mind.

If you’re going to wake up in a depressed or a negative state of mind, well, then you are going to be that way unless you shake yourself out of it. You are responsible for what’s happening in your life, your mind.

Yes, it’s not difficult. It is as easy as it sounds; only you need to start thinking along those lines.

If for example you’ve had words with somebody and you’re brooding over it, then you have a problem. Think about it. Did the other person have a point when they said something which may have hurt your feelings? Was the person right in saying whatever he or she did?

Take a few seconds to think about it. It depends on the equation you have with that person. If you like the person and the relationship matters to you, then you need to be open with yourself and not hide behind imagined slights and hurts.

If the other person had a valid point, acknowledge it. Work on it. Learn from your mistake. A simple apology works wonders in clearing your mind if you’ve said hurting things in retaliation. Remove the baggage from your mind. Move on from there. Do it immediately and get back into a happy frame of mind. All it takes is a couple of minutes.

Concentrate on thinking happy thoughts to feel happy. Refuse to dwell on negative thoughts. Bring happier moments to the forefront of the brain. Keep practicing such techniques to bring on a positive frame of mind. The more you do it, the happier you’ll feel and give out good happiness vibes. Like Mark Twain said, “Whoever is happy will make others happy, too”.

Like I feel happiest when I’m around cheerful, happy people. Whiners and people who have a grouse with some given thing perpetually, gets to me. I steer clear of such people.

Be a “people’s person”. Try and feel close to people. It’s an instant mood elevator. If you’re feeling down and out, do something nice for somebody. Wish them on their birthday or anniversary and make someone else happy to feel good yourself. Never fails to work for me.

If it’s a prolonged problem or a situation which you’re finding difficult to get out of, tell yourself that “…this also shall pass”. Live through the situation and tell yourself that you will put it behind you soon. Be kind to yourself. Sometimes, when you feel unhappy, you just have to go through the negative emotions. Get through them. Have a good cry. Then put it behind you. Give yourself a time frame. Then no more tears or whatever. Move on. If there is a solution in sight, go after it, otherwise wait it out. You will feel better soon.

When in an unhappy frame of mind, lift your spirits by doing something physical (like exercises, walking, cycling, swimming, a workout at the nearest gym etc). Again, think happy thoughts and visualize those thoughts. Reaffirm to yourself that, yes, you are happy. Keep on repeating it to yourself till you no longer feel blue.

Learn to switch it on and off. Whenever you get negative, try to switch off that train of thought. It is like a switch. Switch it off your mind and switch on the positive thoughts. It takes practice but if you keep reaffirming it, you will get there.

Don’t “do” regret. Don’t waste time on regrets and guilt and spoil your current state of mind. If there are some reparations you can do to right the situation, do so immediately. If not, like I’ve said before, learn from the situation. Don’t repeat your mistakes. Whatever has happened has happened.

The trick lies in keeping busy and active. Learn new things like new languages or new hobbies. Give everything a positive spin, every time.

Set goals and reaffirm them constantly. Working towards a goal can afford an immeasurable amount of happiness and achieving your goals is a different kind of high altogether.

Keep negative thoughts and feelings at bay by doing some meditation and deep breathing exercises. It helps loosen the tension coiled deep inside the brain and makes you feel light and happy.

Be happy. Only you can do it. You get to decide whether you want to be happy or not. Happiness is a state of mind which is brought on by your way of thinking.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To be happy

Methods:

• Don’t brood over something someone may have said to hurt you.
• Concentrate on thinking happy thoughts
• Be a “people’s” person
• If the situation is bad, tell yourself that you’ll put it behind you.
• Lift your spirits by doing something physical
• Don’t “do” regret
• Keep busy and active
• Set goals and reaffirm them constantly
• Do meditation and deep breathing exercises

I scrambled round frantically in my cupboard. I was already running late and everyone was waiting for me. I knew it was still in its cover. I hadn’t worn it even once.

I was looking for that long black skirt I had bought. I knew it had to be somewhere, but where was it? By now I had practically emptied the cupboard of its entire contents. But no sign of the black skirt.

Then amid the rumpled clothes, I saw the cover. I don’t know how I could have missed it. In fact, I distinctly remember keeping it in the cover because of the cover’s distinct logo and its bright color. It wasn’t easy to miss. That’s why I had just tossed it carelessly into the cupboard thinking I couldn’t miss it.

I grinned sheepishly to myself. The problem was I had way too many clothes. I couldn’t resist them. I bought whatever caught my fancy. I justified buying them by saying it was just a small indulgence. And anyway, it wasn’t as if I was wasting them and I always wore what I bought. Clothes don’t get spoilt or anything. They are not perishable.

And overflowing, messy cupboards are the result. How many clothes does a person need, anyway? How many can you wear at any given time?

Yes, I get the message loud and clear. It’s clean-up time.

Not only is it clean-up time, it’s also “buy less clothes” time. Follow some rules.

Buy three or four good dresses or suits according to the occasion. Just stock up on some good mix and match coordinates to go with them.

The next time you’re tempted to buy clothes again, look up what you already have. Take stock and chances are you’ll probably find you already have something similar. If you have to buy clothes, try and discard some old clothes first. That way you’ll have more space for your new clothes.

If you haven’t worn something in a while, say maybe for two years, you’re probably never going to wear it again. Give it away before buying again and make place for the next purchase.

This way, your cupboard/closet will always have enough space to accommodate new clothes.

Arrange for your clothes to be arranged neatly on hangers so they are clearly visible.

Time your purchases. Buy only for occasions and for special events. Don’t make every outing a shopping expedition.

Do a check of the cupboards every week and rearrange clothes which you want to wear for the coming week in the front. This way you’ll get to wear everything and know exactly what’s in the cupboard and you won’t be messing it up.

Similarly in the kitchen. Don’t clutter the available spaces with extra crockery and cutlery just because you see a place to keep them. Always have a set for daily use and one extra special one for special occasions and visitors. Again, how many can you use at a time?

Once you feel you’ve used the existing ones enough and you’re thoroughly tired of it, dump it and buy a new set. Saves a lot of clutter and lets you keep your kitchen organized and spacious.

Don’t buy things in bulk or for the whole month if you are not terribly organized. Saves a lot of storage space if you buy smaller quantities.

Make weekly grocery shopping lists and buy accordingly. This way, you don’t have to store big quantities and it’s easier to check on expiry dates etc.

Try to have see-through glass doors for the cupboards in the kitchen so you know exactly what you have and what you don’t have and avoid clutter and mess.

Even garages in houses are everybody’s favourite dumping places. Unwanted toys, books and paper, unused furniture, old paint etc get dumped in the garage till the garage is ready to choke.

Yes, I know you mean to paint the garage door with that leftover paint, but if you don’t do it within the month, then you’re probably never going to get around to it, by which time the paint will go dry in the tin. Dump things which you haven’t used in at least a year or two.

You can immediately see the amount of new space you have created for things you actually want to keep once you’ve ruthlessly thrown out things.

Just follow one thumb rule. If you’re going to store something in the garage, give it a time frame. If you don’t feel the need to use it or haven’t remembered that you have kept it in the garage for at least 6 months, then you probably don’t need it at all.

Make up your mind with dogged determination that you will check out all the places in the house which have a tendency to get crowded at least once every week and organize things in such a way that you avoid clutter and keep corners and cupboards airy and spacious.

Always try and buy things which can be appropriately accommodated in your house or don’t buy them at all.

Avoid clutter and crowded spaces and see what a spacious home you have. Just do a weekly check and see the difference.

To Summarize:

Your aim: Not to have crowded places in your home

Methods:

• Buy less clothes

• Throw away old clothes before you buy something new

• Don’t clutter the space in the kitchen with extra crockery and cutlery

• Don’t buy groceries in bulk

• Avoid making the garage a dumping place

But with all this, I hope you didn’t forget to look good. I know you’ve been on a dozen shopping expeditions and have picked out the best there is when it comes to clothes for yourself. But I’m not talking clothes here, I’m talking make-up.

What with all that extra work, you don’t want to end up looking anything less than fresh and beautiful, with perfect make-up on, do you? I can tell you, I’ve had those days when nothing used to go right and finally when even the make-up doesn’t look good, well, I know you’ll feel such a frump even if you’re dressed in the best designer togs.

So make use of these handy tips, and remember, less is more. The golden mantra – go easy on the make-up.

Start with your eyes. For those evening parties when you want to look all mysterious and hot, make those eyes look big with some bright smoky eye make-up. It’s the hottest thing this season. Just go with the simple rule, darker the eyes, darker the eye shadow and lighter the eyes, lighter the eye shadow.

Pay attention to your lashes. If you want to look really special for that special someone, you could try false eyelashes. But I go with the adage that natural is the best way to be and you would be sensible to enhance your natural looks. Before you apply mascara, curl your lashes in order to open up your eyes. For this you can use an eyelash curler and curl them before applying mascara. Choose a neutral brown or shades of black to look natural. Don’t overdo it.

Again, keep your eyebrows near natural. Even if you want to shape your eyebrows, stick to the natural line. If you find you want to cover some sparse areas, or if you want to make your brows thicker, use the same color as your eyebrows. Brown eyeliner suits most people and looks most natural. And a powdered eyebrow pencil is easier to apply and looks good.

Your lips are your most sensuous feature. Pay special attention to them.. You want your lipstick to stay on longer, don’t you? So remember to apply a bit of foundation first or a little powder to the lips to help the lipstick stay longer. Use a lip pencil to give your lips a luscious shape and it also helps prevent the lipstick from bleeding. Always choose your lipstick keeping your dress color in mind. The two should compliment each other perfectly. Use lip gloss only if you want a more luminous look. If your eyes are a lighter shade, keep your lipstick also lighter and darker the eyes, darker the lipstick.

If you’re very particular about your nails, then you’d do well to go in for a French manicure. Choose stylish, elegant colors for nails which go with your dress.

But like I told you, the thumb rule is, keep the make-up light. You can never go wrong and mistakes if any will almost never be noticed.

Be bold. Experiment with the latest colors and varieties. See what suits you or be a leader, set trends.

Protect your skin always. Look for products which have sunscreen in them.

Use light reflecting make up products for your skin to glow if your skin is free of blemishes.

Go easy on the foundation and face powders as too much may even dry your skin in the long run.

Never forget the oft repeated mantra for skin - cleanse, tone, moisturize. And only then apply make-up.

Never go to bed with make-up on.

Keep your lips soft and moisturized at all times by applying a lip balm.

You can’t go wrong with your make-up if you follow these simple rules. Go ahead, have a ball. Be that well-turned out person you really are. Make time for it.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To have on perfect make-up for the holidays

Methods:

• Make your eyes look hot with smoky eye make-up on
• Pay special attention to your lips by using a lip pencil
• Be bold and experiment with colors and varieties
• Go easy on the foundation and face powder
• Cleanse, tone and moisturize your skin
• Never go to bed with make-up on
• Keep your lips soft and moisturized

Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? Are there any such parties, ever? Especially for the ones organizing them?

Of course, you can have them, provided, you plan them well. Plan them with military precision. Even then, there are chances that some things may go awry, but they’ll hardly be noticeable in the party melee if you provide for mistakes or goof ups.

God, what I wouldn’t give for such parties. I used to be skeptical. Are there such events, where one event melds seamlessly with the other in perfect harmony? Aah! A hostess’s dream, I used to think.

Well, since I’ve never claimed modesty as one of my virtues, I can say with quite pride that I’ve almost mastered the party scene. Like I mentioned at the very beginning, it’s all in the planning. Well begun is half done or something…I’m sure you get the drift.

Pay attention to the little details. It makes all the difference. I’m a great one for lists. Make a list so you don’t forget anything. Lists for number of guests, lists for shopping, lists for food etc.

Give a lot of attention to the food. In my opinion, good food makes for a great party. Plan a variety of finger foods and make sure there’s lots of it. Plan on displaying the food colorfully. Make sure you have provided for everyone. If there are any special requests like vegetarian food, diabetic food etc. make sure you’re on top of things. Make sure the food is convenient to eat, meaning, no messy, squashy, drippy items.

Invite guests well in advance. There’s nothing shoddier than inviting them at the last minute. Make sure they receive the invitations. Specify the party time. There’s something very quaint and charming about hand-written invitations. More personalized. Use your creativity when it comes to invitations. Make them fun but do not forget pertinent details like time, date etc.

If you have a dress code, make sure you mention it on the invite. If it’s a theme party, formal, semi-formal etc.

Plan where you’re going to be having the party. If it’s outdoors, make sure rain’s not going to throw a dampener on the party. If it’s to be a barbeque, make sure you have all the paraphernalia ready. Clean out the party area. Make adequate seating arrangements and make sure there’s enough space to move around and mingle or dance.

If the party is to be indoors, make sure you keep everything sparkling clean. Bathrooms to be cleaned out thoroughly, extra towels kept ready, adequate toilet tissue handy… And yes, if you’re finicky about spills and drips, make sure the carpet can withstand it or make do without one. Makes cleaning a lot easier after the party. Make sure the house smells good with some scented candles or potpourri.

Liquor is what makes a party what it is, but make sure the guest don’t over imbibe. Or if they do, make sure they don’t drive home. If guests have to bring their own liquor, make sure to mention it in the invitation.

Provide for lots of ice. You have such fancy ice trays these days. Make sure you have fruit juices ready to mix with drinks. Have a fruit punch ready. Provide for non-alcoholic drinks for the teetotalers.

If you allow smoking, make sure it’s not at the cost of the non-smokers. Have a separate smoking area which is well ventilated.

Have suitable decorations depending on the theme of the party. And of course, the main thing, the music. What’s a party without music? Have the right mix of music and if arranging for a DJ make sure he or she is efficient and competent. There’s nothing more disappointing than an indifferent DJ.

Take care to have appropriate lighting. Not too bright, not too dim. Personally speaking, very dim lighting makes me sleepy.

Tell guests where they have to park their cars. Make use of neighbors parking lots, after taking their permission, of course.

It’s not customary to take a gift for the hostess but it sure makes the hostess feel good and appreciated if you take her something, like her favorite chocolates or flowers.

There’s no reason why you can’t have some good games. They can be a real ice-breaker if the guests don’t know each other.

• Get set. Have fun. Have a great party. Nothing like a good party with the right crowd to elevate your mood. It’s party time!

To Summarize:

Your aim: To have a great party

Methods:

• Plan well
• Give a lot of attention to the food
• Invite guests well in advance
• Decide where you’re going to have the party, indoors or outdoors
• Provide for lots of ice
• Have suitable lighting/decorations
• Make parking arrangements and organize games

She’d realized she’d hit rock bottom. She knew she had to do something. Luckily for her, I was around to tell her that or she may not have recognized it for ages. She later told me that if it hadn’t been for me, she wouldn’t have been aware of it for the longest time. We went way back, friends since school.

I pointed it out to her. Her utter dependence on anybody and everybody for every small thing. Not the way you’re thinking. It was not that she was depending on them to do every little thing for her. No, it was the other way round. She was doing every little thing for the family, her parents, why, even the maid.

She found herself doing everything for the family. And they seemed to take it for granted. Even her husband. They had got so used to her doing every little thing, like even putting the toothpaste on to their toothbrushes every morning, setting out their clothes, handing out their breakfast, cleaning up after them. I was aghast.

I was shocked to see her hover around trying to hand her husband the car keys, his laptop, his purse etc. And he didn’t even acknowledge it. And what was truly amazing was that none of the family seemed in the least bit inclined to help her, let alone thank her for her efforts. Her husband left for work without even wishing her goodbye.

I rounded up on her once every one had left home for the day and asked her if she even realized what she was doing. Apparently not. She was bent on doing everything for everybody that she had forgotten to take care of herself. She seemed to have this utter dependency on people whereby she tried to do things for them so much so that they had took it as their birth right to be waited upon with not so much as even a tiny acknowledgement for her efforts.

Where did this come from? Was it because she wanted to be loved so much that she didn’t mind being every one’s doormat? Was she so insecure that she was scared that her family wouldn’t love her if she didn’t constantly keep doing things for them? Why and when did she start feeling that she and she alone was responsible for the family’s happiness? Did she need to keep doing other people’s work for her to feel appreciated?

Since when did she need to be forgiving of everyone’s mistakes except her own? When did she stop thinking of herself as not attractive? When did she stop thinking of her needs, her feelings, and her wishes?

Why, even her parents were making use of her. They would call and she would drop everything and rush over to them even at the risk of incurring her husband’s acute displeasure. Now that I think of it, it had always been that way. Even in school and college. Her parents had always taken her for granted. They never went out of their way to do anything for her. It was she who always did that. I’m afraid I had to be quite brutally frank with her.

Was that when it had started? Was it her parents’ lack of affection that had made her this way? They had never made any secret of the fact that they’d wanted a son.

She was the unwanted daughter or at least that’s what she had grown up thinking. She was always doing things a boy would have done. She tried to be everything a boy or a son would have been. She tried to be sporty and athletic while secretly yearning to learn the violin. But that would have been very girlish. So, it had always remained just that, a secret yearning.

She was amazed at what she’d let herself become. Had it not been for me (since I knew her from way back) she would probably never have realized it. Nobody in her family would have brought it to her notice. That was for sure.

Time for change. Yes. High time.

No more the doormat. Time to get her act together. Not that she could stop loving her family but there were going to be changes. No longer would people take her for granted. Her opinion would be considered too. She had a right to an opinion just like anybody else.

Wow. Did that feel great. Even talking positively felt good.

Detach yourself from people who mean you harm emotionally or physically.

Learn to care for yourself.

Learn to depend on yourself. Have confidence in yourself. Sign up for some self-help classes which teach you how to handle yourself or read up on it.

Take hold of your life and consciously change things which you have let slide.

You deserve to be loved. You should not let yourself be used.

Take charge of your life. Be your own person.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To be your own person

Methods:

• Don’t be a doormat
• Don’t let people take you for granted
• Don’t let people use you
• Learn to take care of yourself

There’s a lot of talk about global warming, pollution hazards, a green planet, conserving our natural resources. But only a small percentage of the world’s population are actively involved in actually doing anything about it. Are you doing anything to promote a green environment?

I’m afraid I was part of that segment which wasn’t doing anything much about it until recently. It was when I saw my son actively taking part in an environment protection drive organized by their school that I made up my mind to do something about it actively.

I know all of us, each and every one of us have to do our bit. It is a  humongous challenge and the only way to combat it is for every one to be involved. And even then we are only scratching the surface. But there are small little things which each one of us can do.

Like educating our children to go green. Only in my case, it was my son who made me more responsible. If your children’s school is not doing anything actively to protect the environment or teaching the children about the hazards of pollution, you can volunteer and bring about awareness in your locality.

You can advocate a “no plastic bags” code in your area’s malls and supermarkets or shopping arcades. Advise the use of reusable cloth bags or recycled paper bags.

Don’t buy bottled water. Carry your own reusable water bottle. Of course a lot of people justify by saying they reuse their water bottles but for every person who is reusing it, there are hundreds more who are throwing the bottles away and adding to the pollution.

Car pool wherever possible. You are conserving petrol and energy. And it’s easier on your pocket too. And the fact remains that while driving, excessive accelerating and breaking make a car less efficient. So, imagine if there were 3 to 4 cars going the same way when one will do. Car pooling makes sense if there are two or three children going to the same school or in the same direction at the same time. Don’t pamper your children excessively like I have seen a number of parents do by taking them individually. Not only are you spoiling your child but you’re also adding to the pollution of an already beleaguered environment.

If the appliances at home are old, at least 10-12 years old, then it’s time to give them a decent burial. Don’t cling on to old appliances. Look for new energy conserving appliances and replace the old ones.

Other gadgets like TV’s, DVD players, cell phone chargers etc. should all be switched off when not in use. In fact, unplug them even if it’s a pain every time you have to plug it in again when you have to reuse them. You can save a substantial amount of energy if you do so.

Grow plants which habitually grow in your locality or area as they would have a ready affinity to the local soil and water and you won’t have to use a lot of fertilizers or water. Going green will help keep the atmosphere cooler.

Lucky for me I live in a tropical country (India). I don’t have to use the clothes dryer. Natural sunlight does the work for me. If living where a clothes dryer is a must, use it as sparingly as possible.

Plant more trees wherever you can.

Print on both sides of the paper either at home or at work.

Instead of buying books and adding to the paper consumption (more books mean more paper which means more trees are getting cut), borrow from libraries.

Walk wherever possible. Or cycle up. In fact, you’d be saving on energy and gas. And think of the other benefits. You’d be way fitter.

There are loads more you can do in your own way. Only you need to sit down and think about it. Protect your environment. Go green.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To save the environment and go green

Methods:

• Educate your children to go green
• Use less plastic
• Carry reusable water bottles
• Car pool wherever possible
• Dump energy guzzling old appliances
• Plant more trees
• Borrow books from libraries to avoid paper waste

It’s where you relax. It’s where you let down your hair. It’s where you can be just yourself. It’s your home. Make it a place which reflects your personality. Make it bright and roomy even if it’s a small place.

You need to be creative to get the best out of your home. Your home needs to reflect your moods and your likes and dislikes.. Don’t go by what others say will suit you. Only you know what you like. But if you have no idea about what could make your personality come through, take help from an expert.

Some pointers for you to make your home look roomy and brighter:

• De-clutter your home. Your favorite space and all other nooks and crannies should be free of clutter for you to let in positive vibes into your home. Keeping your home clutter free and sparkling clean is the first step to making a house into a home.
• As far as possible, let in natural light. There’s nothing like sunlit living rooms and porches. You must try to open up windows wherever possible.
• Avoid artificial lighting wherever you can. Though they look nice in the evenings, try alternatives like lamps. Light from lamps give a warm glow to a room and doesn’t hurt the eye. Or alternatively try using candles. They’re always a mood enhancer. And conserves energy too.
• Artificial lighting to be effective has to be discreetly used if a room has to look roomy. Even a small room can be made to look good with skillful use of lights. For e.g. if you use small lights and conceal it behind a sofa or a chair, it gives the room a pleasant atmosphere. You could use little “cone lights” which bounces light off on walls.
• And please try to hide all wires from sight. There’s nothing more unappealing than wires hanging or showing all over.
• If you like the outdoor look, keep some plants inside the house. There’s something absolutely refreshing about greenery inside a home. Or you could have an indoor fountain which is all the rage nowadays.
• Use mirrors liberally all over the house.
• If you don’t have provision for a fireplace, buy a free standing electric fireplace. In fact this may be a better idea as you can move it from room to room. There’s something very comforting about a fireplace and it gives both light and warmth.
• As far as possible, use light colors for the walls as this instantly lightens the effect of a room, even if it’s small. And it will be easier when you want to replace old furniture with new or buy new carpets or cushions. Light, natural colors compliment everything.
• Your furniture should match the walls. Don’t clutter up space with heavy furniture and pieces which are elaborately designed. With simple wooden furniture you can rarely go wrong.
• Keep the furniture arrangement simple. Arrange them symmetrically so the whole effect is spacious.
• Generally each room will have a focal point which will make the room look bigger like large picture windows or a plain expanse of wall or whatever. Decide which point in the room is your favourite and work all your other furniture and accessories keeping that as the focus. Like cushions, carpets etc.

To Summarize:

Your aim: Have a home which is a reflection of your personality

Methods:

• De-clutter your home
• Let in natural light
• Avoid artificial light wherever possible
• Use artificial light skillfully
• Use light colors for the walls
• Keep furniture and their arrangement simple

Got something to say? Then go ahead, write it down.

Do you feel strongly about something? Write about it.

People don’t listen to you when you talk? Just write about it instead.

Would love to be centre stage but don’t know how to? Write it all down first, you’ll have a clearer picture.

Just start writing. We frequently lose our thread of thought when we have something valuable to say and it’s all lost in the huge milieu of things which were worth being preserved but forgotten in the humdrum daily routine.

I’m sure there must be a writer hidden in every one of us. All of us have things of value to say but don’t know how to. To keep your writing skills polished, you not only need an attitude but also perseverance.

I have found that you need:

• A passion for writing. You must feel that you want to put down your thoughts and that you have something of value to say or something you feel so strongly about that you feel will be interesting to other people too. If you’re writing because you’ve been asked to or writing because you have to, then your writing will lack a certain chutzpah. It won’t be inspiring to anyone.
• If you’re an aspiring short story writer or want to author a book, you’d be smart to have a plan. Plan what you want to write and make some broad points. It’s very important to be focused here. It’s very easy to lose focus once you start writing unless you stick to some basic points because your thought flow will be faster than your writing.
• Never ever try to write like somebody else or imitate somebody. It’s good to emulate someone you admire or someone who inspires you but you’d lose your individual touch. For you to succeed writing well in the long run, you’ve got to be yourself. Write from your heart. With online resources freely available, it’s very tempting to take topics etc from there. Resist the temptation to copy anything outright. Always try and be original.
• There will be days when you just can’t write. You’ll feel like you’re all “written out”. But you have to write as often as you can even if it’s rubbish. Keep writing even if you have to chuck it all away finally.
• You may think what you’ve written is rubbish. But let an expert decide that. Yes, I understand self-criticism is what you need to keep prodding you to do better and like for all creative people, self-criticism is alright as long as it doesn’t stop you from writing altogether.
• Be a voracious reader. I’ve always found that it helps me write better.
• If you feel a “writer’s block” happens frequently, take a break. Have a social life. Meeting different kinds of people will help you write better. Subscribe to different magazines. Or if a website has interested you online, subscribe to their newsletters and be privy to a host of their articles which can get your creative juices flowing again.
• Don’t lose heart or give up even if you feel you’re not churning out anything of substance. Keep on at it and dream of the day you’re going to be typing out the last chapter or the final story of your book or novel.

Just write. Don’t over think. Keep on at it. Let somebody else be the judge and critic. Your job is to write. Only make sure you have something of value to write and be passionate about what you write.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To be a writer

Methods:

• Be passionate about what you write
• Be focused
• Be original
• Keep writing. Don’t give up
• Be a voracious reader