Has it ever happened to you? Have you gifted somebody something only to have it returned or exchanged or seen it being gifted to someone else or told that the gift was not to the recipient’s taste?

It sounds crass and utterly rude and absolutely flouts etiquette rules while making you feel you don’t want to be the gift giver. But there have been any number of occasions when it’s been done and to my utter chagrin I have to admit to having done it myself once.

Though I tell myself it was a one-off thing, I realize now that I had been incredibly insensitive.

It happened when my husband bought me this dress which he liked and thought would suit me. I now try to take refuge in the argument that I was young and foolish then and tell myself that I am much more tuned in to people’s feelings now. But that’s not going to assuage my husband’s hurt feelings.

Well, you guessed what comes next. I didn’t like the dress and with unholy haste went and returned or exchanged it or something. I don’t even remember now, but what I do remember was that my husband’s feelings were hurt and for a very long time he never ever bought me anything on his own and never ventured an opinion on anything I bought either.

How do you handle it? You’ve probably gone to a lot of trouble trying to pick out something you think is just right for the other person only to be told that she no longer likes it? Or worse, she asks you for the receipt so she can exchange it for something she “really wanted or liked”.

One way to handle it would be to tell the person that you went to a lot of trouble to pick out the gift and trust she likes it or ask her if she would have preferred a gift voucher so she could pick out the gift herself.

Or if your feelings are really smarting, you could stop giving gifts to the other person, if you personally ask me. I think it would be a lot easier on your pocket and on your feelings too.

Or you could straight away tell the person that you were disappointed she didn’t like the gift and take her with you next time you go gift shopping for her. This, if the person really matters to you and you really do want to gift something which the person likes.

But one thing you have to make sure while gifting is that the gift be appropriate and/or thoughtful and not something which you’d personally like for yourself. If it’s inappropriate, don’t be surprised if the person is not gracious about it. I remember once receiving a goldfish in a bowl and hadn’t the foggiest idea of how to go about taking care of it and I didn’t want to either.

Similarly other pets. You can’t go around giving somebody a puppy or a kitten and then feel bad if the person turns and around and gives it away to the neighbor’s child or whatever. Your feelings may have been hurt but did you bother to find out if the person is maybe allergic to pets or maybe she just doesn’t have that kind of time which goes into taking care of a pet?

You can never be sure if every gift will be appreciated. Sometimes even if it’s been very thoughtfully picked out, you know it may be looked at askance. Just tell yourself the thought was good and do a rethink next time. You win some, you lose some.

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Tags: attitude, feelings, gifts