I have wonderful memories of my childhood. Do you? In fact, I would say I’ve had a privileged childhood. Life was so much simpler then. You had no specific responsibilities, unless it was your turn to walk the dog that evening and I only remember halcyon, carefree, fun days spent with the family.

I’m sure there must have some very trying, difficult times, especially when my dad had to work away from home for over three years or when my mom had to be hospitalized frequently over a course of two years for a health problem. But luckily one of the parents had always been around. The parents were always very matter of fact with us. They never hid anything from us. We were always told that sometimes life can be difficult, but we just have to go through it without undue fuss, for, good times are sure to follow tough times.

There were never any extras, but I don’t ever remember wanting anything or a feeling of having been deprived of anything I’ve ever wanted badly. On second thoughts, maybe I’m not being entirely honest here. Sure, I did want that doll whose eyes closed angelically. I was inconsolable until I got it from my grandparents. But that was the only kind of disappointment I can remember.

Even the food was simple and straightforward. Not the kind of variety (substitute that for junk food) you now have access to. Outings were simple visits to the local fair where the highlight would be the Ferris-wheel maybe once or twice a year. Or visiting the funfair at the local church. (But what a time we had!). Movies were only reserved for special occasions like birthdays. Eating out was something almost never ever done, unless we were on a motoring holiday or something.

Life has so much by way of material things now that we thrust it down on our children. We remember small things, material things which we wanted and couldn’t have and we rush to the store to buy it even before the child asks for it. A better way to make your child happy would be to spend more time with her. If you’re a working mother, chances are you’re doing those guilt trips often and compensate by buying her the latest in toys or CD’s or whatever. A simple but quality outing with your child to the zoo or wherever you think your child would enjoy herself would be wonderful. And please, it should be a family outing, the mom, the dad, if any grandparents around, they should be included or cousins…and of course, needless to say, the siblings.

Spending time together is the essence of a happy family. And a happy family does not mean a structured, clean home with everything in its place. Most often a family at best means a home with a dog, a messy garage, a lawn that needs mowing and bicycles piled haphazardly against the garden wall. And of course the people. The people in the family needn’t necessarily be model parents and children. They could be having their own share of problems and fights like anyone else. It’s more to do with the kind of people they are.

When people or family are there for each other, when it matters, then I would qualify it as a happy family. It’s about beliefs and values like that which are probably learnt at the family dining table that sets them apart. A wife who consistently stands behind her husband, for e.g. he’s been laid off work. No problem. Everybody pitches in. No blame games, nobody criticizes. Each one has a specific duty towards the home. The children probably have to walk up for their football coaching in the evenings; the household help has been stopped etc. But everyone in the family understands and does his or her bit.

A debilitating illness for a family member could be quite a trauma for the family. Supposing the father has an accident or is diagnosed with a crippling disease. It could throw the entire family unit into a shell of unhappiness. The mother plays a very important role here. While facing the possibility that there could be serious repercussions in the form of financial debt or not being able to educate the children in the way they were meant to be can be quite a blow but you have to hang in there.

Each and every family member has to believe that they will survive the tragedy and emerge stronger. And this comes from the belief that they are all together in this. Life has to go on. One can’t afford to go to pieces but have to learn to hang in there. They have to take comfort from each other.

The family should have certain rules that they live by. It’s very common to see broken families where the children are the worst hit. To see and imbibe fidelity and constancy, the parents can be very good role models. If the parents are in a genuinely loving relationship, the children automatically grow up with these principles.

If yours is the kind of family which loves holidaying together, or if holidays are given great importance, children retain fond memories of them and follow by example when they have their own families. It’s these inherent values which make for a happy family.

You may be the kind who loves having people over constantly. Having friends and close relatives who stay on for a meal and generally interact with the rest of the family gives the entire family a feeling of belonging. Even if your own family is away for awhile, there are other people you are comfortable with and are able to spend time with. This reinforces the feeling for children that they can take care of themselves even if their parents are away without feeling lonely or uncared for. You do have an extended family that constantly drops by to find out how you are doing. Constant interaction with friends and relatives give children a feeling of belonging, a sense of belonging to a community.

Staying together and forming deep bonds and just being there for each other through thick and thin make for a happy family. Spending time together as a family is what makes for happy memories.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To be part of a happy family

Methods:

• Spending time together is the essence of a happy family
• Being there for each other during difficult times makes for a happy family
• Each and every family member has to believe that they will survive tragedies and emerge stronger
• Certain beliefs and values bind a happy family together
• The family should have certain rules that they live by like holidaying together or having family get-together’s.

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Tags: attitude, children, family, feelings, friends, happiness, home

She was sick with anxiety. She thought she’d been better prepared this time. She had read endlessly about anxiety disorders and how one should cope with it. She’d been sure all that reading was going to be of help. While not exactly oozing confidence, she’d certainly been mentally prepared to cope with all the looks and pitying glances she was sure were going to come her way. She gloomily thought about the embarrassment which would follow in its wake when she fumbled and stuttered and generally made a fool of herself. She wished she didn’t have to get out of bed at all, today, tomorrow…

Hey, you’re going about it the wrong way. You’ve convinced yourself that people are going to stare; you are going to be at the receiving end of pitying glances… You’re already certain it can only end in embarrassment and you haven’t even stepped out yet!

First of all, get things into perspective. What are the issues? You call it social anxiety, social phobia. What is it? Simply put, you are a disaster when in company or at a social gathering or when you have to meet people for the first time, or attend an interview or make a presentation at your work place or… You just lose it completely. You’re nervous, anxious, and sweaty and wish you could just disappear. It’s a social disorder where you are self-conscious and shy or your attitude is one of mild fear as if you fear rejection at every turn.

So, why does that happen? Why is it that you have a crippling fear of meeting people? Is it a fear of being rejected? Is it to do with a king-size inferiority complex? Do you feel inadequate and ill-prepared to cope with the responsibilities that are going to come your way? Why is it that you just can’t relax and be at ease with yourself?

Relax, you are not alone here. Studies show that it’s the third largest psychological problem in the US today and it’s never been recognized as a problem till recently. Doctors, therapists and counsellors haven’t acknowledged it as a ‘disorder’ or have always misdiagnosed it, until very recently. It could happen because of having been set very high standards as a child which manifests itself in ‘performance’ anxiety. Or if you’ve been teased as a child, for e.g. a stammer. Then you could’ve got stuck in a groove of shyness and haven’t ever been able to come out of it. Or you feel that you’ve never been ‘good enough’.

So, how can it be treated? Like I said, not much was published until recently, so people with social phobia had nothing much to compare with. But now, a lot of therapeutic methods have been studied and “cognitive-behavioral therapy” has shown to be very effective.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is an approach which tries to influence certain patterns of dysfunctional behaviour through a “goal-oriented, systematic procedure”. It does not stand alone as a treatment method but is a series of different therapies which aims at understanding how we feel and what we do; our thinking processes and our beliefs about certain things and aims to change that pattern of thinking. It is not a long process but short term and more importantly, the person has to recognize the benefits and should want and be ready for the therapy.

You need to recognize that you have anxiety disorder and should be motivated enough to try out the strategies and techniques that are part of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Only then can you start feeling better and take a positive approach to life and actually start feeling like you are part of the bigger picture.

Don’t start getting stressed out about the therapy. Be open to it. It’s a slow process. You will not see results overnight. It’s a therapy which is very gradual and takes one step at a time and only when you’re completely comfortable with the first step will you go in for the next step.

While medicines can help to a certain extent with anxiety disorders, it is not a permanent solution. It has to be coupled with therapy and like I said, the person with social anxiety has to fully want to be cured and should be receptive to the therapy.

Open yourself up to new methods of thinking and slowly get used to it. The process should be gradual and has to become more of a habit. It has to become automatic. You have to learn to start “re-thinking”. You have tell yourself that you want to overcome fears and anxieties.

But make sure you get in touch with a therapist who fully understands what cognitive behavioural therapy is about. A therapist who acknowledges that there is a problem like social anxiety will be better equipped and inclined to handle the problem. Ask them for the symptoms of social anxiety to see if they’ve understood the nature of the problem. You don’t want a therapist who’s just going to sit and talk to you about your disorder. You want somebody who has a complete strategy on hand. You want someone who’s going to explain why one strategy is better than the other for you or why one particular line of therapy is what’s going to help you in the future.

A therapist who helps you understand that certain behavioural patterns are absolutely non-beneficial to you and your growth as a person and who helps you grow out of the fear and anxiety is a good person to have around. The therapist should be one who teaches you how to take a realistic view of things and who helps you stop worrying, in a structured way.

A therapist who advises group therapy has a good approach because you are part of a group who are in a similar situation. You get to see others like you strive towards a certain goal, towards a state of mind which is going to prove beneficial.

It would help if you learnt to relax. Learn to relax with the aid of books, audio-visuals (CD’s, DVD’s) or writing down your thoughts when you are anxious and then try to change the pattern.

Learn and observe other people’s behaviour. Stop thinking only about how you are behaving.

Stop loading your mind with a lot of do’s and don’ts. Start with a step which seems easiest to you to tackle the problem. Practice this for the first few days. Once this becomes easy and automatic, take the next step.

Stop learning to live around your anxiety. Learn to enjoy life with your family and friends by getting over your social anxiety with expert therapists and doctors.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To get over social anxiety

Methods:

• Get things into perspective
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy is an approach which tries to influence certain patterns of dysfunctional behaviour through a “goal-oriented, systematic procedure”
• The person has to recognize the benefits and should want and be ready for the therapy.
• Don’t start getting stressed
• Open yourself up to new methods of thinking
• Make sure you get in touch with a therapist who fully understands what cognitive behavioural therapy is about
• Learn to relax with the aid of books, audio-visuals (CD’s, DVD’s) or writing down your thoughts when you are anxious
• Stop thinking only about how you are behaving.
• Stop loading your mind with a lot of do’s and don’ts
• Stop learning to live around your anxiety

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Tags: anxiety, attitude, feelings, habits, medicine

I’m sure all of us do most of these things. Like eating a lot of veggies and fruits, getting your regular intake of exercise, regular health check-ups which include a mammogram, by giving up smoking, by never going out in the sun without adequate protection like sunscreen… And I bet you’re telling your family and friends about these things and creating a general awareness too.

But did you know that there are scores of other ways which you can incorporate into your daily life to prevent cancer? It’s all about making the right choices. Like:

Going organic. Scour the neighbourhood for organic vegetables and fruits. It may seem tiresome because you’ll have to find a place which can keep you in veggies and fruits on a regular basis and not just sporadically. Most supermarkets only store and sell non-organic foods. They usually only have a small niche for organic goods. It’s important to identify a group of people/farmers/suppliers who can keep you in organic foods continuously. And since organically grown food is more expensive, you’ll probably have a real job on your hands to identify foods which have been grown without pesticide. But don’t let up; it’ll pay off in the long run in terms of good health.

Always, just always try to eat food which has been freshly cooked. Freshly cooked food has all the nutrients intact in them. When food is stored and then re-heated, it loses most of its nutrients in the process. Fresh ingredients, cooked with the minimum amount of oil and non-spicy food should become part of your lifestyle.

Even at get-togethers and parties, make it a lifestyle choice to serve and eat healthy stuff. Say no to processed food. Fast food or junk food is alright once in a while, but it takes a great deal of fortitude and self-control to stay off them for any length of time. People are so busy that fast food makes for some easy choices. Make friends and family aware that your parties are special; special because you only believe in giving the best to your family and guests. Only healthy food.

You could also make your parties THE PARTY to be seen at, by making them unique. It’s all about theme parties, anyway. Make your party theme health-related. Think of innovative games where healthy recipes can be exchanged and the healthiest of them all’s the winner. Or a trekking party. Get a group of friends together and celebrate your birthday or wedding anniversary by going on a forest trek. Apart from being healthy, a trek or trip together helps bond stronger ties with friends.

When you have your health check-up, try to rope in a couple of friends as well. Going together for check-ups makes waiting at doctors less of a chore. If some additional tests have to be done on the doctors suspecting some abnormality, you have friends to lean on thereby making the whole process less traumatic. And the check-ups have to be regular. Do not neglect them.

Exercising and eating right are most crucial to preventing cancer. A sedentary lifestyle is a high risk prospect as it can lead to obesity. Exercising, unless it’s a habit, can be quite a task for a lot of people. Try and organize exercise sessions with friends to make it a group activity. Organize a yoga session or aerobics with a group of like-minded friends. This way, exercising becomes fun. You can catch up on your gossip while working out (research shows that gossip, if not malicious can clear a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings).

Train your child along these lines. A combination of healthy food and proper exercise should become the asked for choice with children. Make sure school canteens serve only healthy, nutritious food and not junk food and aerated drinks. Children must have at least an hour of physical activity. Schools play a very important role here. Parents should insist on physical activity being given the utmost importance in schools. Awareness of a healthy lifestyle coupled with complete information about the causes of cancer is absolutely vital for children.

Avoid smoking even occasionally. Again, it’s important to set an example for children so they understand the negative impact of smoking. It’s a myth that you can always give up the habit whenever you choose to. Nicotine addiction is so insidious that it creeps up on you and you discover its addictive properties only when it’s too late. The right time to give up smoking is before the very first cigarette.

Think positive. Adopt alternative lifestyle habits to keep your mind calm and positive. Happy thoughts make for a happy mind and a happy mind makes for a happy, healthy body. Practice yoga and meditation for a calm and peaceful mind.

Adopt a lifestyle which is healthy and prevents cancer with these measures. Make children aware of the benefits of making the right choices in life for a longer and healthier life.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To prevent cancer by making the right choices

Method:

• Go organic
• Always try to eat food which has been freshly cooked
• Even at get-togethers and parties, make it a lifestyle choice to serve and eat healthy stuff
• Make your party theme health-related
• When you have your health check-up, try to rope in a couple of friends as well
• Exercising and eating right are most crucial to preventing cancer
• Make sure school canteens serve only healthy, nutritious food
• Avoid smoking even occasionally
• Think positive

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Tags: attitude, cancer, eating right, exercise, health, medicine

You have a gazillion excuses for not working out. You went to sleep late, you couldn’t get up early for your run around the park. You got up early but you had a slight headache. You were working late AND you had to leave early for work. You forgot you had to buy new running shoes; your old ones are no good for even a walk. You met a dear friend and ended up talking and didn’t have time for the workout/walk/jog. It was drizzling and you didn’t want to risk getting a cold. (I guess indoor gyms have gone out of vogue?) You wanted to swim but didn’t want to risk getting the flu bug doing the rounds.

How about motivating yourself to work out for the right reasons? Yes, you need a tremendous amount of motivation to workout regularly. You know what they say – the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. You want to lose weight, you mean to exercise regularly, and you’ve decided you’re going to eat right, but something is coming in the way.

Maybe you need to know exactly why you want to lose weight. Maybe you need some solid reasons to keep you going. Maybe you just want someone to push you.

Why not lose weight to set an example for your children? If you are into fitness and health, your children automatically take their cue from you. Just like when children imbibe good habits and bad from their parents and upbringing, growing up with parents for whom fitness is as important sets a stellar example for kids. How about making this the number one reason to stay motivated enough to exercise and workout regularly?

Or how about wanting to get into that dreamy dress but the only hitch was, it was one size too small for you? Hey, that’s an extremely compelling reason to want to lose weight. Imagine yourself in that dress and surprising your partner/children/friends when you walk in looking like a million dollars! Or just imagine your mother’s gasp of surprise when you visit home after a few months (after you’ve lost weight).

And you know what? I’ve seen people who’ve actually managed to get those last, few stubborn pounds off, walk with their head held high, like they’ve climbed Mt. Everest. The confidence level one gains after weight loss is awesome. Wouldn’t you love to have that level of confidence?

Another motivation to workout like crazy would be to motivate others to emulate you. Just like setting an example for your children, other people like friends and relatives could look to you for inspiration on how to motivate themselves. This can work wonders for your morale and keep you in high fettle.

And everyone needs to look forward to something. What’s life if there’s nothing to look forward to? Set a goal; tell yourself that you’re going to achieve a certain level of weight loss by a certain time and work towards it. This will in fact keep you motivated to discipline your life to a great extent too. If you find the prospect of a long term goal daunting, set small, achievable goals. Take it day by day and then week by week and so on. This will give you the impetus needed to continue your work loss program.

Set easy goals initially. E.g. tell yourself you’ll climb the stairs the whole of next week and you will not use the lift. It’s not as if you live on the 22^nd floor. You do live on the 4^th floor, so the prospect is not exactly difficult. The next week, do something else like you’ll walk up to the grocery store or kids school and not take the car. This will make you feel ebullient about having reached your goals and make you strive for more and keep you going.

What about the biggest motivator of all times? For good health! This should be one of the most compelling reasons to motivate you towards weight loss or if not to lose weight, then to at least keep you feeling fighting fit and full of beans. Keeping fit by working out and exercising regularly keeps your heart and bones healthy. Keeps the blood circulation feeling good and does your digestive system a world of good. In fact, almost any exercise releases all those feel-good hormones and keeps you feeling good for that alls-well-with-the-world feeling.

Great reasons to stay motivated, wouldn’t you say? Start right away and stay motivated for the right reasons and see how the weight just whittles away.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To stay motivated to lose weight

Methods:

• To set an example for your children
• To want to get into that dreamy dress which is one size too small
• For that confidence level one gains after weight loss is awesome
• To motivate others to emulate you
• To set a goal and work towards it gives one discipline
• For good health

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Tags: attitude, exercise, motivation, weight loss, workout

You’re at it for at least an hour everyday, but then comes the next day and you have to do it all over again. The most thankless job, cleaning up your home. It’s never like – OK, you’ve finished cleaning up the dirtiest corner, the most cluttered cupboard, the bathrooms and kitchens… oh no, sir. You wake up to a new dawn, with the same old cleaning jobs to be tackled again and yet again…

Yes, while I agree with your whole-heartedly, I’ve got to tell you here that you need to do some smart cleaning. Like yes, you have to put in a certain amount of work everyday, but these tips will help you clean up faster and easier.

While cooking is your favourite pastime, cleaning certainly doesn’t come anywhere near on your favourite-thing-to-do list. But kitchens, after bathrooms are the places where the biggest cleaning jobs simply have to be done.

There are times when you get so caught up with your cooking routine that you just don’t seem to expend any more energy on a thorough cleaning up job. And kitchens, when used regularly can be the greasiest spots if some daily, rigorous cleaning is not done. And once you manage to get it dirty, it’s the most tedious places to clean up. I personally, after a cleaning job, refuse to use the kitchen, especially for cooking anything more than a cup of tea, lest it gets dirty again.

That’s why you need to do some smart cleaning. When a stovetop is so dirty that you feel like throwing it away, just sprinkle baking soda all over it and see how easily it absorbs all that grease. Then it’s easy! All you have to do is wipe it away.

And when you see a sink full of dishes and your heart sinks, just make it easy on yourself by mixing white vinegar and water to some dishwashing liquid and spray it on the dishes (after you’ve spooned off the food particles). After a couple of minutes you’ll find that stubborn grease and food particles come off easily. You end up saving on quite a lot of water too.

In fact, wiping off cupboards and cabinets with a wet cloth with vinegar on it removes stains.

To make your kitchen an easier place to clean, keep pots and pans covered while cooking so that not much steam is released. Wet steam tends to settle down on every conceivable surface making it easier for dust and grime to settle down.

Clean up your coffee and tea pots with some antacids as they have aspirin, citric acid and baking soda which act as a cleaning agent to keep your coffee or tea pot sparkling.

To remove the dirt and dust accumulating in the crevices of cupboards or drawers, use a toothbrush or a thin, long-handled brush to dislodge food particles and dust from them or use the suction part of a vacuum cleaner to suck out the dirt from crevices. Even cobwebs can be dislodged from corners and from behind doors and cupboards with a vacuum cleaner.

Hard water can make bathroom cleaning a tough job. Again, using white vinegar soaked into a towel can help get rid of scum and water stains from your shower and bath tub by wiping them clean with the vinegar soaked towel. To get rid of clogs, simply pour some baking soda and white vinegar down the drain.

While pets are great to have around, the mess they leave behind in the form of fur on furniture and carpets can be a pain. Use special, grooming gloves or sponge available in the market for the specific purpose of dislodging loose, flyaway fur from the pet’s body. Make sure you do this away from your furniture or outside the home.

Taking care of stains on the floor due to spills can be a tiresome job. Some surfaces like marble are so porous that they stain very quickly. Wooden floors are vulnerable to stains too. The trick lies in cleaning up immediately when something spills or using a strong floor cleaner mixed with water. Wipe off the solution with a clean mop or sponge after a couple of minutes. For wooden floors, spray anti-stain liquid or polish on the surface to deflect stains. Spill inside the fridge can be prevented by lining the shelves with fresh newspapers or aluminium foil. If any spills, you can change the paper or foil. Wiping the fridge down with a few drops of vanilla essence can remove odors from food spills in the fridge.

Use newspapers liberally in cupboards and lofts. Cleaning is simple when you have to just change the paper regularly. And lining cupboards and dark spaces with newspaper prevents odors and any wet seepage by absorbing the dampness.

Make use of these tips to make cleaning easier. Do some smart cleaning.

To Summarize:

Your aim: To make cleaning up home easy

Methods:

• Sprinkle baking soda all over the stovetop and see how easily it absorbs all that grease
• Mixing white vinegar and water to some dishwashing liquid and spraying it on the dishes makes it easier to clean
• Keep pots and pans covered while cooking so that not much steam is released
• Clean up your coffee and tea pots with some antacids
• Use a toothbrush or a thin, long-handled brush to dislodge food particles and dust from crevices or use the suction part of a vacuum cleaner to suck out the dirt
• Using white vinegar soaked into a towel can help get rid of scum and water stains from your shower and bath tub
• Use special, grooming gloves or sponge available in the market for the specific purpose of dislodging loose, flyaway fur from a pet’s body
• The trick lies in cleaning up immediately when something spills or using a strong floor cleaner mixed with water to clean up stains
• Use newspapers liberally in cupboards and lofts

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Tags: clean, cooking, efficiency, habit, home